Fact #69
To paraphrase
Oscar Wilde, I have no facts to declare except to declare my genius,
which I have to admit is not so much genius as it is merely looking at
the sorry economic history of the last 2,500 years and finding the
explanation in the Austrian School of economics.
~ Mogambo Guru
Fact #68
The World's
Most Interesting Man tried to capture a photo of The Mogambo in his
natural habitat.
Fact #67
Mogambo Guru
is Victoria's Secret.
Fact #66
Mogambo once
spent a summer golfing in Minnesota. It resulted in approximately
11,842 lakes being created after his golf balls returned to earth.
Fact #65
Christopher
Nolan created Batman's costume by casting a mold of Mogambo's chest.
Fact #64
Mogambo Guru
taught Charlie Daniels how to fiddle.
Fact #63
The Sahara
Desert came into existence after Mogambo, while on a speaking tour in
Northern Africa, tried to explain Austrian Business Cycle theory to Alan
Greenspan.
Fact #62
Shooting stars
are actually gold and silver deliveries to Mogambo from the next sector.
He's been forced to order from aliens as humans cannot keep production
up with his demand.
Fact #61
Mogambo Guru
always scores 19 on an 18 hole golf outing. Shot number 19 is his
shot of whiskey in the clubhouse, bought by the loser.
Fact #60
What makes
Mogambo's tacos so yummy is the napalm he uses for his sauce.
Fact #59
Goldfinger is
not a James Bond movie, it's a gesture Mogambo makes with his middle
finger whenever he sees Big Ben Bernanke on the television.
Fact #58
Mogambo Guru
continues to fail to make the record books for the most number of
birdies in a single round of golf because all his shots result in a
hole-in-one.
Fact #57
Mogambo
doesn't mow his grass, he just calls up the US Army to drop some agent
orange. That's why his tan is just a bit off color.
Fact #56
When von Mises
and Hayek want advice they dial Mogambo's home phone number. When
Mogambo wants advice he dials his cell phone number.
Fact #55
Round Table
Pizza wanted to change their name to Mogambo's Pizza Bunker but Mogambo
turned down their dollar based franchise fee.
Fact #54
Moore's Law:
The number of transistors on a chip doubles every 18 months.
Mogambo's Law: The number of morons on the government dole doubles
every 18 months.
Fact #53
When the
Department of Homeland Security (DHS) purchased 450 million rounds of 40
caliber hollow point ammunition they went shopping at the Mogambo Bunker
Of Ultimate Defense Posture (MBOUDP) to take immediate delivery.
Fact #52
Asteroid 2012
DA 14, hurtling toward earth, has been found to have a magnetic
attraction to Mogambo's gold and silver cache. The Dallas Cowboys
Cheerleaders have been found to have a magnetic attraction to Mogambo
Guru.
Fact #51
The intensity
of Mogambo's rage can be calculated as the square of the loathsome Obama
administration's monthly deficit spending multiplied by the inverse of
the foul federal reserve's artificially low interest rate, which, under
the current zero interest rate policy, causes the intensity to approach
infinity.
Fact #50
In an attempt
to hide from Mogambo, Ben Bernanke plans to shave his beard after the
whole world blows up from his massive printing of trillions of dollars.
Fact #49
The federal
reserve has been furiously buying up treasury debt after the congress
added a third directive of matching the feds balance sheet liabilities
with Mogambo's assets.
Fact #48
Seneca guns,
those booming noises accompanied by shaking ground and low rumbling
sounds, has been traced back to the fleets of armored vehicles rolling
through East coast towns delivering Mogambo's gold and silver purchases.
Fact #47
When Domino's
ran out of pizza, rather than shutter operations, they went to Mogambo
to purchase his pizza hoard.
Fact #46
The US
military's Massive Ordinance Penetrator (MOP) bomb, scheduled to be
placed into service June 2012, has already been found to be ineffective
against the Mogambo Bunker of Extreme Paranoia (MBOEP) and has caused
such consternation that the pentagon has set up the Mogambo Office Of
Observation (MOOO). The cows roaming coastal Florida are strangely
out of place.
Fact #45
When children
of Delta Force members want to scare their parents they talk about the
Awesome Powers of the Mogambo (APOTM).
Fact #44
After the
failure of the Japanese Army to save Tokyo, Mogambo Guru was called into
action. Before he could unleash the Mogambo Arsenal Of Sheer
Firepower (MAOSF) Godzilla retreated into the ocean in Pure Mogambo
Panic Mode (PMPM).
Fact #43
Mogambo
doesn't own a putter, every ball he hits creates a hole when it lands.
Fact #42
Mogambo Guru
orders so much silver and gold that the US Postal Service has issued him
personal zip codes of 47 and 79.
Fact #41
Even at Mach
5, the Army's Advanced Hypersonic Weapon (AHW) failed to keep pace with
Mogambo's golf ball when tested November 2011 over the Marshall Islands.
Fact #40
The last time
rain fell on Mogambo's head was during a summer storm in August 1987,
shortly before Alan Greenspan became the fed chief. Since then
Mogambo's head has been so hot the rain evaporates before it can strike
him.
Fact #39
The crocodile
population in southern Florida has increased nearly 10-fold since the
1970's. That is exactly when Mogambo started telling the
crocodiles about all the morons in his neighborhood.
Fact #38
The earth
tilted on its axis after Mogambo Guru took physical possession of his
gold and silver holdings.
Fact #37
The
Staffordshire Hoard, found 5 July 2009, is the largest hoard of Anglo
Saxon gold and silver metalwork found to date. Apparently nobody
has found Mogambo's bunker yet.
Fact #36
The acronym
for MENSA, the intellectual group formed by Mogambo stands for Mogambo
Enlightened Neoclassical School of Aurum (AU).
Fact #35
The myth that
America's streets are paved with gold emanated from the leaked photo of
Mogambo's compound.
Fact #34
Mogambo Guru
taught Rumplestiltskin how to spin straw into gold.
Fact #33
Mogambo Guru
invented digital photography after repeated requests from Kodak to sell
some of his silver.
Fact #32
When silver is
on backorder, Mogambo runs through central Florida decked out as a
werewolf and collects the silver bullets fired at him.
Fact #31
Every time you
hear a bell ring Mogambo Guru has just purchased another ounce of
silver.
Fact #30
When Delta
Force soldiers want to tell their children scary stories they talk about
Mogambo Guru.
Fact #29
Stevie Wonder
went blind after Mogambo reluctantly granted his request to view his
gold and silver hoard.
Fact #28
Mogambo Guru
doesn't mean 'Love Guru' in Africa, it means 'get off your ass and buy
gold, silver and oil ya moron', the whole world over.
Fact #27
The Tampa
Triangle, bounded by St. Petersburg, Tampa and Clearwater, is more
feared than the Bermuda Triangle as gold, silver and oil have been
disappearing at an alarming rate.
Fact #26
Global warming
has been found to originate from a bunker in a coastal town in central
Florida. It can be reversed if the federal reserve would quit
pissing off Mogambo.
Fact #25
The Mogambo
Guru routinely beat Jack Nicklaus in the masters tournaments.
Since Mogambo refused to sell some gold to pay his entrance fees, they
denied all of his 23 first place titles.
Fact #24
There is no
Greek god of economics because Mogambo Guru declined the offer.
His Mogambo Laugh of Scorn (MLOS) so embarrassed Zeus that he never
offered the position to anyone else.
Fact #23
JP Morgan
isn't really leveraged 100:1 on their silver contracts at COMEX, they've
been illegally shorting against Mogambo's holdings.
Fact #22
NASA's Mars
Rover's first major find was not life on Mars or even water but an ammo
can containing gold, silver and hermetically sealed oil stock
certificates. The can was stamped Property of the Mogambo
(POTM).
Fact #21
The four
earthquakes of April 11, 2012 were caused when the Big Fist of the
Mogambo (BFOTM) pounded the Florida ground after the loathsome Obama
administration and the foul federal reserve pissed him off.
Fact #20
Mogambo's
personal bench press record is a massive 2,025 pounds. Since his
insurance company won't insure that amount of gold his record cannot be
independently verified by the Guiness observers.
Fact #19
The real
mission of the Apollo program was to retrieve Mogambo's errant golf
ball. The Kennedy administration concocted the "race to the moon"
to get public financial support because the price of Mogambo's gold was
being suppressed by the government.
Fact #18
"Going
Mogambo" is the newest entry in the Psychologist's Big Book of
Psychology Terms, it describes the state of rage at the exact moment the
brain explodes.
Fact #17
When Mogambo
took delivery on his silver contracts COMEX sent his shipment via
airmail. Unfortunately, the plane went down and the resulting
crash caused the Mississippi River to flow backwards.
Fact #16
A chicken with
red earlobes will produce brown eggs and a chicken with white earlobes
will produce white eggs, Mogambo devours both.
Fact #15
There are
approximately 2,700 species of mosquitoes (mostly living in Minnesota)
but only one Mogambo Guru (living in a bunker in Florida).
Fact #14
The Mogambo
Guru was the architect NORAD consulted when building Cheyenne Mountain
Operations Center.
Fact #13
The fabled
Lost City of Atlantis sank beneath the waves because one dumb radio host
failed to call Mogambo to initiate a scheduled interview.
His
subsequent rage caused a mighty storm that literally disfigured the
earth itself.
Fact #12
The Grand
Canyon was formed when Mogambo's car broke down and he was forced to
drag his cache of gold and silver across Arizona.
Fact #11
Mogambo Guru
is the only individual to ever successfully drop Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee
Ermey for pushups.
Fact #10
If you're a
moron, you don't know it but Mogambo does. If you're not a moron,
you know it but Mogambo disagrees with you.
Fact #9
The pot holes
in the Greater Tampa area are where the Mogambo Guru accidentally
dropped his bags of silver.
Fact #8
The Economist's
Big Book of Economic Stuff has one page: Mogambo's phone number.
Fact #7
The Mogambo
Guru is an omnivore, he hates plants and animals equally.
Fact #6
The Mogambo
Guru is on the other end of a certain superstar golfer's cell phone, not
Heidi Fleiss.
Fact #5
IBM's Deep Blue
is much like R2D2 except inside is the Mogambo Guru.
Fact #4
The Mogambo
Guru doesn't sleep, if his eyes are closed he's praying.
Fact #3
Jack Rebney,
aka Winnebago Man, left the Mogambo School of Rage in tears.
Fact #2
A Mogambo
ghetto blaster is an uzi and a boombox is a booby trapped pizza
container.
Fact #1
When the US Air
Force tested their MOAB (Mother of all Bombs) in Florida they dropped it
on the Mogambo Bunker of Doom; MOAB failed miserably.