The Big Mogambo Financial Supernova (TBMFS)
March 21, 2014
By:
The Mogambo Guru
As usual, they were
not impressed with a loving father (me) taking some of his precious time
to kindly explain that, around HERE anyway, it’s because I went to school,
got a job, spend less than I make, and save the rest by not indulging the
random, selfish whims of a bunch of free-loading, lowlife, teenage morons.
They were even LESS
impressed when I told them that the national problem of inequality of
income is because the evil Federal Reserve created (and still creates!) so
much excess cash and credit, which naturally ended up in the hands of
those able to amass it by continually borrowing money from the banks and
buying a flood of government bonds, which dictates that the rich get all
their money back, plus interest.
This was greeted
with the usual teenage groaning and moaning, which I succinctly paraphrase
as “Oh, no! Not that Same Old Mogambo Crap (SOMC) about the Federal
Reserve, and how it is evil for creating too much cash and credit so that
it ends up creating price inflation, like the inflation in the wealth of
rich people, and inflation in the price of food and energy, and the
inflation in the misery of poor people, and blah blah blah until we are
sick of it, so shut up, you horrible, stingy old man! We hate your guts so
much that we can’t even begin to tell you how much we hate you!”
Immediately
recognizing an opportunity, I instantly developed the famous Mogambo Big
Bucks Method (MBBM), a treasured, time-honored manual on how you, too, can
become one of the rich One Percent elites, and have most of all wealth in
the world.
Then, next week and
every week for, apparently, forever, the deficit-spending government will
need to sell more oceans of bonds to both get more dollars to spend, and
to pay you the interest they owe you on your bonds.
So you, ever the
clever One Percenter that you are, next week and every week after that,
borrow a few more million dollars from the bank, thoughtfully created by
the Federal Reserve, using the spare change in your pocket to put down,
and buy the new bonds. Now you have more bonds, both of them paying you
interest!
And all along the
way, you and your corrupt banking buddies and financial huckster friends
dream up all kinds of complicated derivatives deals to leverage that pile
of bonds, everybody borrowing more and more money from the banks, over and
over again, swapping back and forth, leverage upon leverage, paying
yourselves huge commissions and fees at each step, while the inevitable
monstrous losses are dumped on the taxpayers, via the banks, necessitating
huge bank bailouts and guaranteeing the evil Federal Reserve will create
more cash and more credit to pump it all back up again.
Thus, by the
inescapable mathematics of exponential growth you will, in theory, one day
own all the money in the world!
Of course, the hard
part is getting that initial $1 million so that I can use the famous
Mogambo Big Bucks Method (MBBM) to be rich, rich, rich and have all the
money in the world.
Firstly, I have to
budget very carefully and cut expenses for silly extravagances, like
having snazzy sports cars, polo ponies and children, as I have had to
patiently and gently explain to them countless times (“What part of NO
don’t you understand, ya morons?”)
So I’m standing
there in the checkout line at the grocery store, and I am already in a bad
mood because my favorite cookies were NOT included in the “buy one, get
one free” sale category, while, seemingly all around me, I see crappy
cookies that I wouldn’t eat if you freaking GAVE them to me for free, are!
I thought at first
that this was measuring price inflation from February to February, namely
one year’s worth of price inflation. It was not. It was for the one month!
One Freaking Month (OFM)!
This horrific news,
for those of us who are not lunatic Keynesian economists or otherwise
mentally ill, about inflation in consumer prices is Very Bad News (VBN),
leading, as it usually does, to more creation of cash and credit by the
Federal Reserve and thus to Even Worse News (EWN), before proceeding to
more and more cash and credit and to worse and worse news, on and on,
spiraling, spiraling, spiraling out of control, before reaching what
Ludwig von Mises called “the final collapse.”
So I call it,
instead, The Big Mogambo Financial Supernova (TBMFS), where prices of food
and energy explode outward in some huge freaking fireball, killing
everything, while simultaneously debt, credit, asset prices and wealth
collapse into a “black hole”, disappearing forever into a vast nameless
void, which is, of course, the famous Mogambo Scary Vast Void (MSVV).
This inflation in
prices should cause an absolute outrage in an educated citizenry, with the
evening news full of scenes of hurt, vengeful people rising, replete with
flaming torches and pitchforks, to coalesce into an angry, incoherent mob
storming the evil Federal Reserve that created all the cash and credit
that produced the inflation in prices that is killing them, the
treacherous Congress for allowing it (and causing most of it by
deficit-spending!), and the damnable Supreme Court which infamously
knuckled under to the damnable Franklin Delano Roosevelt and treacherously
ruled that money did NOT have to be “only of gold and silver” like the
Constitution of the United States literally requires, thus allowing a
suicidal, expanding fiat-money supply, which caused all of these problems
in the first damned place!
And while the
evening newscasts contain no shocking videos of such vast social upheavals
and mass rioting, and the newspaper contains only sporadic reports (“Local
Lunatic Creates Disturbance”, with the subhead “Says Federal Reserve Has
Doomed Us All”), it’s just a matter of time, which is growing shorter and
shorter.
And it is likewise
only a matter of time, which is likewise growing shorter and shorter,
before gold and silver soar in price, as history shows they have always
done at the ends of long periods of expanding money-supply idiocy.
It’s THAT time. It’s
ALWAYS happened. What could be more obvious than buying gold and silver?