Powerful Economic Mojo
April 10, 2014
By:
The Mogambo Guru
I am always stung by
criticism, like how I am lazy (usually phrased as “stinking lazy”) because
I don’t particularly like work in general, and how I have actually grown
hostile to work in particular as it pertains to, you know, ME doing it.
Okay, I admit that I
could have been a better person in many, many ways, and that I’ve grown
increasingly weird and paranoid since 1987, which was the “date which will
live infamy” when the evil demon from hell, known as Alan Greenspan, was
chairman of the Federal Reserve and started this insane inflation in the
money supply.
As a result, my
relationships with both my career and my family have deteriorated, as both
of them are always hounding me, wanting me to “at least show up and do my
damned job”, perform my “family responsibilities” and act like a real
“father” instead of a frightened, paranoid old man who is terrified of
inflation in the money supply because it results in ruinous inflation in
prices, and yadda, yadda, yadda we’re freaking doomed.
The sorry fact is
that I am so freaking terrified that all I can POSSIBLY care about is my
own personal survival, saving myself from the horrific collapse of the
economy, the banks, assets and the buying power of the dollar, everyone
and everything all ruined by the price inflation caused by the murderous
inflation of the money supply, caused by the evil Federal Reserve creating
the excess currency and credit to cause massive inflation in the prices of
now-too-big-to-pop bubbles in stocks, bonds, houses, personal debt,
college debt, and, most outrageously, to fund unbelievable, suicidal,
massive, trillion-dollars-plus-per-year federal government
deficit-spending! Unbelievable!
Naturally paralyzed
with understandable fear, you can surely understand how I am left with a
shuddering, paranoid hysteria and a seething hatred born of betrayal,
seemingly immune to butthead bosses yelling “Shut up about gold, silver
and oil and do some work around here!” and pitiful entreaties to “Just say
you love us! Please, daddy! Please love us!”
Fortunately, after frantically double-locking the
doors, setting security systems to “Maximum Lethal Response,” and settling
into a comfortable, quiet, armed-to-the-teeth paranoia in the closet under
the stairs, one finds that one has a lot of time to leisurely eat
microwave burritos, drink beer, and to think about things. Things like
“What in the hell is that smell?”(It was my socks).
Flush with success
in handling that mystery, I turned my attention to the next burning
question, which is “How can we have been so, so, So Freaking Stupid (SFS)
as to ignore the glories of the Austrian School of economics, based on
capitalism, free enterprise and a stable money supply, and instead destroy
ourselves with the suicidal Keynesian stupidity of crushing debts
everywhere and a behemoth federal government deficit-spending a
constantly-expanding money supply?”
I mean, WHAT could
we have been thinking to have screwed things up this badly?
Well, in that
regard, Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR) Phil S. has sent me several articles
over the last few weeks about the horrifying cornucopia of hormones and
chemicals that are in our water, the food we eat, and the air we breathe,
which is not to mention the vast invasion of foreign species of plants and
animals all over the place, which is certainly something else to worry
about besides the economic Armageddon bearing down on us.
Then there is the recent discovery that, almost
unbelievably, behavior is inherited in one’s DNA! Astounding!This means that if you are a lazy, bad parent, a sub-standard
husband, or a worthless, dim-witted employee, then my kids will be, too!Oops! Too bad for them!
And now we have the
new science of epigenics, which is “genetic control by factors other than
an individual's DNA sequence,” like the aforementioned pollutants and a
million other things actually altering your DNA, which will thus alter
your behavior in unpredictable ways! Yikes! This thing is compounding!
Now, as you obviously observe from the horrified
look on my petrified face, I am more despondent and crazed with fear than
(gulp!) ever! Ever!And much, much more paranoid, too!
But this genetics stuff not only explains the
bizarre behavior I see all around me, but it handily explains why the
majority of people are not rushing out, stampeding in a frantic,
frightened frenzy, to buy gold and silver.It’s because their DNA is so damaged that they are now too stupid!
But, then again, it takes a Special Kind Of Stupid
(SKOS) to, firstly, realize that nothing in economics has changed for
thousands of years. There has always been money, debt, interest, taxes and
government regulation.Nothing
new.
And when one easily
discovers that bankruptcy and economic ruin occur every time in history
where the money supply was vastly expanded, then a Special Kind Of Stupid
(SKOS) becomes a tangible thing with every new dollar created by the evil
Federal Reserve.
I hear your pleas. “Oh, woe is us!” you say. “Help
us, Wonderful And Wise Mogambo (WAWM), whose incandescent intelligence and
powerful economic mojo illuminate this entire sector of the galaxy!So tell us, exalted sublime master and aforementioned WAWM, in a
karma, yin-yang, mumbo-jumbo, universe-in-balance kind of way, there must
be a Special Kind Of Brilliant (SKOB) to even things out, surely!”
To begin with, to paraphrase Leslie Nielsen in the
movie Airplane!, “Stop calling me Shirley!”
And as for an SKOB,
rejoice in that I, again with the egomaniacal WAWM thing introduced in the
previous paragraph, do hereby answer your prayers!
As history CLEARLY
shows, those people that are buying gold, silver and oil right now will be
the Special Kind Of Brilliant (SKOB) people riding the inevitable bubbles
in gold and silver up, up, up to their inevitable tops, as a brilliant and
perfectly logical way to amass a relative fortune.
When will the market
top for gold and silver happen? Easy! After everything else has finished
turning to crap!
So simple. So
elegant. So “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”
Well, maybe not so
pleasant, but, you gotta admit, easy!